The time had come to share my discoveries.  I had found some truths about myself in my assessment, my defects of character.  My goal, of course, was to be rid of those things that were blocking me from feeling the sunlight of the spirit.  In order to be rid of those things, I had to face them, in the company of God and another person.  It was difficult to discuss my defects with another person, but I believed it was necessary to achieve my goal.  I thought about who would be the right person to share this with.  I needed someone that would keep my confidence and also would fully understand and support what I was doing.  I chose the person I wanted to share it with and made an appointment to meet with her.  

When I met with her, I was afraid.  Thank God, my determination to continue on this path, to walk through that fear and share my discoveries with another person, was stronger than my fear.   God was working miracles in my life.  I shared my assessment, my defects of character, and all my secrets I had sworn "would go to the grave with me".  

God led me to the right person to share this with.  As I told her of my discoveries, she shared with me her experience with this phase of the process.  We found that we had many of the same fears, the same defects, and the same secrets.  Words cannot express what it feels like, to open up and share the stuff you swore you never would, only to find out that you are not unique.  I bonded with her that day, in a way I had never bonded with anyone before.  I mean, she now knew it ALL.  The miracle was that it did not separate me from her, it made us closer than we ever were.  

I had a profound experience that day.  When I finished sharing my inventory with her.  I knew all that "poison" was pouring out of my soul.  We prayed together.  We asked God to come into me, to fill all those places where the "poison" had once been, with His love.  Another miracle because, for the first time in my life, I was easing the anger, fear and pain out, and letting God in.  I developed the same kind of bond with the God of my understanding that day.  I had cleared away those things that had been blocking me from feeling the sunlight of the spirit.  I felt a closeness to God that I had never experienced before.  It was comforting, loving, understanding, and compassionate.  I felt that God was so happy that I had come to Him.  His love and protection wrapped itself around my spirit and I had a security and comfort that I could never have dreamed possible.   

Wonderful things started happening, in the time after I had taken that step.  I found that I had a new feeling about myself.  I felt that I was deserving of respect, and that I wanted to be treated accordingly.  I could look the world in the eye.  Some might call that self-esteem, I'm not too sure about that.  My esteem came from a Power Greater than Myself.  I began to outgrow my fears, and to start making decisions based on spirit, on what I believed was God's will for me.  The feeling of freedom was unbelievable.  I was becoming a woman of substance and a woman of spirit.  Where I had felt so "empty" before, I was now full of spirit and of love.  

I found though, that I still had times that fear took over.  I also found that there were times that I took control of my life and in a new way could see, that there were still some shortcomings and defects that were keeping me from fully living my life in the sunlight of God's love.  

Again, I was brought to my knees in prayer.  Humbly, before God, I had become willing to have Him remove my shortcomings.  I use the term "shortcomings", but what I really believe I was letting go of were my "survival skills".  The things I do when I'm afraid and I go into "survival mode".  I was still on the path to learning to fully trust in God.  In order to do that, I had to ask him to remove my "survival skills" and help me to place my faith in Him.  

It was about at this time, that it became apparent that I was going to have to go to the people I had caused harm to throughout my life, and make face to face amends.  I had experienced, through sharing my assessment with another person, the freedom I had been given, and the closeness I was feeling to God.  I was going to have to "come clean" with some situations that had occurred and make restitution for any harm I had caused.  

 Part Four - Forgiveness through Amends